I Thought Wrong

We arrived in Chenzhou today and Fawn told us that the orphanage director said that we could come this afternoon. We were all so excited and once we got off the bus we went straight to our room and dropped our bags off so that we could go. It was weird how we all (everyone who has gone) remembered exactly how to get there. You could tell that we were all walking as fast as we could to get there sooner.

 Once we arrived we were greeted by the woman orphanage director. She recognized most of us and it was so awesome how our relationships have all formed and grown over the years. Some of us started crying right then as we saw her… but I really thought that I would be ok. I didn't think that I would actually ever cry while I was there, except maybe when we had to say goodbye. She (Ms. Wang, pronounced Wong) took us into the meeting room and we got to all sit down at the table and enjoy watermelon. Fawn then translated for Ms. Wang and we got to talk about all that we have done and how happy that we were back. We talked about setting up interviews for the kids so that we can better advocate and answer questions about them to adoptive parents. After some more talking and figuring out when we would be able to visit (8:00-11:30 & 3:00-5:30) Ms. Wang asked us if we would like to see the kids then. We all immediately got up and went to the elevator to go to the 5^th floor. As we went down the hallway we heard the babies' cries and giggles and as we got further down we were greeted by all of the older kids.

Some of us headed into the baby rooms to see some familiar faces but I immediately saw John on his rocking horse in the big kid room.

My heart dropped.

Last year I truly thought that it might have been the last time I was ever going to see him.

I walked over to him and was bombarded by some of the older kids that recognized us. They were SO CRAZY today and there were some new faces that were just as excited to see us.

My heart was still with John and I just wanted to hold and kiss him.

As I finally got through some of the older kids I got to see John.

He had scratches and bruises all over his face and arms and he was on of the skinniest toddlers in there.

That's when the tears slowly started coming, but I managed to hold it in and see Li You, the head nanny, and say hi and smile. Fawn said that she remembered that John was my little boy and was glad I was back.

I had pretty high hopes for John, I wish I didn't but I just couldn't help it.

I had thought that he would be talking some more and at least doing more babbling than he did last year when he was in the baby room.

I had thought that he would be able to sit and stand up on his own and hopefully walk at least for a little while.

I mean, he is a 3 year old, I didn't think that was too much to hope for…but I thought wrong.

Sadly John still can't stand on his own or walk for that matter, but he can at least sit, for the most part by himself and stand with someone holding his hands. I am definitely thankful for that. He is babbling a little bit more, but still not much.

As I found all of this out and saw that he wouldn't let me hold him, I simply lost it, I couldn't hold back the tears any longer, I had to let them out. This poor boy that is now 3 years old can't do the things that a 3 year old can do.. sure he is blind but he shouldn't be characterized by his disability.

After sitting with Sky, an older girl with cerebral palsy, and holding her hand for awhile I settled down and loved on her. Poor girl just sits on her own all day with her head down. It's so cool to see how she lights up when someone holds her hand.

John finally let me hold him and he started giggling and smiling just like his old self. I missed him so much, and even though I wish the circumstances were different, the only thing I can do is pray for him and pray that a family will adopt him. I did find out that he is on the list, so I will definitely be fighting and advocating for this sweet little boy that stole my heart.

Ok well it is late now and even though I wish I could write more that's all for tonight, I need to sleep since it's almost 10. Up at 6:30 tomorrow! I will try to write again tomorrow night about our first full day at the orphanage.

Love you all!

PS. Hope this somewhat makes sense… it's late & I'm so exhausted, so sorry if it doesn't!